Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Since I've started the vegan thing I definitely haven't been consistent but I've eliminated a lot of animal products from my diet...which was the purpose. I've tried to do vegan (sometimes ends up being vegetarian - so hard to eliminate dairy 100%) during the week and on the weekend (or if I'm at someone's house/or holiday) I'm a little more flexible. Hopefully as time passes and I learn what vegan meals and snacks I like it will become more consistent! So, I thought I'd share a favorite with you today!
So I combine the rice, beans, avocado, lettuce, tomato, salsa, dressing and vegan cheese and stuff it in a tortilla and I'm not missing the meat at all! It's so filling and so very yummy!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
So here I am to say absolutely nothing inspiring....but I'm saying something!
I'm still chugging along on this weightloss journey. Exercise has been lacking but I'm doing fairly well with eating. I've continued to try the vegan thing. It mostly happens on the weekdays and on the weekends I'm a bit more flexible. I have not bought meat or dairy products at the grocery store in over a month and it's definitely nice on the budget. I haven't lost any more pounds. I've plateaued and I know the only way it's going to break is if I get back to exercising. Need to find my routine again!
Ah...I feel better now. :)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
However, this weekend I watched a documentary with a little different spin - Forks Over Knives. It did highlight the poor quality of our food industry but mostly it talked about the effects of food, particularly food from animals, on our health. There are some staggering statistics that prove a plant-based diet prevents and sometimes reverses disease....and diets that include meat and dairy have caused disease and obesity. If you haven't - watch it! (It's on Netflix instant watch.)
Fortunately, Michael watched it with me and when it was over he said, "I want to try vegan for a week." I was stoked because I would never imagine Michael offering to go vegan for more than a few hours. Obviously my hope, and I think his is too, is that we'll continue longer than a week. So I'm sayin it - I'm going vegan. At times, we'll probably stray a bit from the vegan diet. The documentary highlighted that a small amount of animal based foods would not harm you...so it's all about balance and eliminating as much of it as you can. It's a sacrifice definitely but there are just too many benefits to not do it. Food is suppose to help us live a full and healthy life....it's not suppose to cause obstacles.
Michael and I want to live a more simple and intentional life. We've been trying to live with less over the past couple years. We've sold a lot of stuff, moved into a tiny apartment, and we try to make do and reuse what we have. And I think it's only natural that we go about food the same way - simple and intentional.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
- Exercise at least 3 times a week
- Drink at least 40 oz of water a day
- Count my calories (1500) at least 3 days a week
Ready. Set. Go!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Google "playground workouts" and you'll find some great ideas! Or just get creative the next time you're at the park!
Here's a link some ideas on livestrong...
Friday, September 9, 2011
I feel ugly. I have some average size zits symmetrically (yes symmetrically) placed on each side of my chin, one large one on my right nostril making it about three sizes bigger than my left nostril, and a sprinkling of little ones all over. My hair is getting too long, which just makes my face look sad and droopy. I don't have any cool clothes. And worst of all...I think I've gained a few pounds back. I haven't done an official weigh in, but I can tell in the mirror....more is there than a month ago and it's just about the worst feeling. Blah. Yuck. Ugh. [insert favorite depressing expressive word] That's how I feel. I'm just having an ugly night...maybe week. I want to do about a million sit-ups tonight but I don't want to actually do them....if that makes any sense. I want to find some miracle zit concoction to rid them by morning (Windex anyone?). I even thought about going to a salon and making a drastic hair style change. I can just see it...stylists gather to collaborate on my new look, draw diagrams on their mirror, sharpen their scissors and at last craft their masterpiece on top my head. When they finished, they'd whip me around in the chair, I'd rise and everything and everyone in the room would freeze...except my stunning newly cut hair blowing in the "wind" of course.
I plopped down on the couch tonight and expressed all my ugly feelings to Michael and he patiently offered sweet words, comfort, and support. I have just about the best husband a girl could ask for. He didn't try to give me advice - he just said "it's ok that you feel that way...that's a part of the journey" (after saying he thought I was beautiful and he didn't see what I was seeing of course). It just felt good to hear that...to hear that my feelings are okay...that I don't need to feel something differently in this moment. I don't know about you, but I feel freedom in that. The load is taken off. I don't have to do a million sit-ups tonight, windex my zits, or have a make over. I don't have to find the instant fix. I can feel what I feel and start a new day with new mercies tomorrow. I can just be...I can have an ugly night. It's okay.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
As I have shared before I go to therapy. Every other week I sit down with Lisa and we talk life. It is rewarding, refreshing, challenging, and inspiring. If this isn't apart of your life I encourage you to consider it...even a mentor if not a professional therapist. We need these people in our lives. We need people disconnected from our norm, people trained (or not trained) to provide a safe space to be completely transparent, void of judgement. Lisa is on my side and she helps me process thoughts and ideas, struggles and triumphs.
We talk a lot about fear and anxiety because unfortunately these things are a big part of my life in the present season. I'm an analytical thinker...I think way too deeply about a lot of things. This is a blessing and a curse. It is something I take pride in - I'm a deep thinker, I'm insightful...I like to think I'm an intellectual person. However, this deep thinking many times takes me to dark places. I like to think of myself as a realist but honestly I'm a pessimist and deal with cynicism and fear on a daily basis. This informs my life on a lot of levels. It's my thorn and it's exhausting. And this is exactly why I go to therapy. I'm asking God for brokenness, for freedom, for a life lived fully. And this is also why I'm on this weightloss journey. I want to experience life to the fullest. I want to shed every toxic thing and experience the fullness of the gospel.
If you're like me, it's bothersome and frustrating that this desire is unattainable (this side of heaven). I'm never going to be free of anxiety and fear because we live in a fallen and broken world. I wish I could go to therapy and in 6 months be void of these struggles. The reality is...that's not what therapy is about. That's not what sanctification is about. Sanctification isn't about my ability to achieve perfection. It's about Christ's capacity to restore my soul. And I get to be a part of it. By living a more abundant life. By striving for better. By shedding toxic things in my life. By letting His Word shape me. By being creative. By desiring restoration in my life and on this earth. Even when I know I won't experience the fullness, the perfection, and the beauty this side of heaven. There is a beautiful tension a work here. And this tension is the human experience at the core. I want to be better but I'm flawed. I want to live fully but I'm handicapped. I want to experience freedom but I'm a prisoner. I want to believe but I'm afraid. Life is painful, it's hard, it's sometimes miserable and feels meaningless but it's beautiful. There is indeed something beautiful about that tension, isn't there?
If you resonate with this at all read Ecclesiastes.
Monday, August 29, 2011
I definitely lack some self discipline. I don't use my time wisely during these times. I don't plan ahead. I put things off. And I put things off until they never happen at all.
I need some help in this department...
What do you do to help you during these seasons? How do you stay disciplined on vacation? Or when you lack a routine?
Friday, August 12, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
So here's what I came up with for dinner tonight...
I made a Portobello burger, skillet "fried" okra, and brown rice. For the burger: I cut the stem and scooped out the gills of the Portobello mushroom and brushed it with a mixture of olive oil, garlic, basil, and paprika. I cooked it in a skillet for about 12 minutes, 6 on each side. I cut two wedges of lettuce to use as the buns and for fixins I used mustard, grilled onion, and avocado. It was YUM. For the okra: I tossed about a cup full with a mixture of cornmeal and wheat flour then cooked it in a skillet with a couple tablespoons of olive olive. Also...YUM.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
So here's the bad news...I live in this fallen, broken world and there are robbers. And the robber is always gonna come knockin'.
The good news...I also live in this beautiful world that's being restored and redeemed. And what's even cooler is that God's not asking me to just sit back and watch him restore it...he's invited me to join Him. Wow - talk about empowerment. I have the opportunity to be courageous in fearful moments, to experience joy in the midst of defeat and discontent, to feel freedom in the pit of anxiety. This is the road to restoration.
The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
In college, I thought once I got married these things would be less important to me. I would finally be pursued and chosen by a man so I will then indeed be desirable, attractive, interesting, smart, enjoyable, wanted, worthy of affection. But that's not the case, is it married ladies? Yes Michael loves me and is attracted to me and thinks all those wonderful things about me....but Michael isn't my everything. He hasn't fulfilled every part of my life as I once thought my husband would. Being a wife isn't the end all be all in my journey. I think the American church that we've grown up in has done a disservice to us girls. We've been sent messages that our life pursuit, our life purpose is being a wife and a mom. Our femininity is solely connected to these two roles. And yes they are very very important roles and I'm so thankful and blessed to have filled one of them! But marriage doesn't complete me. All my problems, worries, and struggles in life didn't go away when I said "I do." I didn't stop wanting to be wanted. I didn't stop wanting to be desired or pursued. This is why we tell our husbands that we still need need to be pursued by them, that we still want them to do the things they did when we dated. :)
So back to my initial question...What is it so important to me to be desired? Well, let me say this...I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with wanting this. It's a part of our makeup. And if it is a part of our makeup, then how do I handle it? What do I do about it? Is this need in us post-fall or pre-fall? Did Eve want to be desirable? Did she long to be pursued by Adam? Is their longing in paradise...when you're in complete perfect communion with Christ?
What do you think?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
What I love so much about hiking is the mental game. You are constantly working the land - finding the right spot to plant your feet, something secure to hold on to, the best path for your trek. Hiking is full of choices and there is something so rewarding when your choices help you successfully manage a steep descent or conquer towering rocks or unforgiving terrain.
Along our life journey, we're faced with many obstacles. Many times I obsess about the unknown and uncertainty of these situations to the point of feeling trapped. Today I was reminded that I always have choices in the midst of an obstacle. And choices make us feel empowered. They take us from feeling trapped to moving forward.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I started going to therapy about a month ago. Not my first time but getting back into it after a couple years. There's a little part of me that thinks - I need to keep this secret - people might think I'm mentally ill, my marriage is broken, I'm spiritually immature or weak, I lack wisdom, I'm caught in the grips of horrible sin, etc. There seems to be a stigma with therapy in the American Church. We are hesitant to go and when we do we keep it private. Yes, therapy is a private thing but I believe our need to keep it private doesn't always have to do with privacy...but maybe more so SHAME. We are ashamed of seeking help. We are ashamed of showing others we are weak, that we are sinful, that we have broken relationships, that we are broken people, that we need help! We think...That therapy thing is for people who are really bad off! People who aren't seeking God. People who have an addiction. People who are on the brinks of divorce. In the wise words of Amy Poehler and Seth Myers..."Really? Really?!" There are so many things wrong with that mindset - first of all we're all bad off, second we all need help, third seeking help is seeking God... I could go on.
Before Adam and Eve knew they were naked there was no such thing as nakedness - it didn't exist because there was no alternative. We now think of them as naked, and after they sinned they knew they were naked but before then they were just people, not naked people, just people. Then sin entered the world and the first thing they did was cover their bodies. Isn't that interesting? I mean of all the things…after their "eyes were opened" they felt shame about their bodies. They felt vulnerable, exposed, naked. So they hid their nakedness. Which is kind of funny when you think about it because God has already seen them naked (He made them!) and they've already seen each other naked. So what's the big secret? Nonetheless they felt a need to HIDE. And then they tried to hide their sin. There is story after story in Scripture of God's people trying to hide. Hide their sin. Their brokenness. Their nakedness. It just seems like a good plan, right? It's the easy, logical thing to do. I can't remember if I've shared this before but…when I was a kid and it was time to clean my room, I would push everything in a corner, lay a blanket over it, and display my stuffed animals on top of the covered heap. And every time my mom would come in, take the animals off, unveil my heap, and just start pulling stuff out of the nicely packed pile. Oh man I was mad. Sometimes we just pack our stuff in a nice heap in the corner of our lives and cover it up with something nice and pretty. We think this is the easy, logical thing to do. It's too hard, painful, time consuming, frustrating, (fill in the word) to deal with it so we just need to COVER it.
So Adam and Eve hid, even though their bodies were no mystery. And I tried to hide my room mess, even though the big pile gave it away. So why do we do this? Why do we hide our brokenness, even though our imperfection was discovered thousands of years ago? We all know we're broken people, but we're afraid of revealing the mess. I'm not saying we all need to walk around airing our dirty laundry to every living person. That's not healthy either. But I'm learning to be more transparent. I'm learning to let God COVER my mess because He is the only one who can cover it. I'm learning that the mess is okay. IT'S OKAY.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Here is some better news if you're still feeling like this secret is bad news. The slow and steady race is actually really FREEING! I don't have a deadline. I don't have the pressure to lose 10 lbs in 10 days, or 3 pants sizes in 3 months. I don't have to survive with no carbs, no sugar, no taste. The pressure is off. And along the way, I'm changing not only on the outside but also the inside. I can guarentee you - you will not be changed on the inside on a 15 day diet. And you probably won't keep off any of the weight you lose. You definitely won't learn new habits or learn to love health and wellness. You'll dread, loathe, despise it. And you know what the equals....DEFEAT. Which, in case you're wondering, is pretty much the opposite of FREEDOM.
So this is my advice for you to get started on your slow & steady race...Start ONE healthy habit and do it for a few weeks or even a couple months. Just pick one thing. I think the first thing I did was cut out caffeine. You don't have to cut out anything completely. I chose to because it was causing other health issues but you could just cut down. Or maybe if exercise is completely foreign to you, try exercising just 1 day a week....or just 10 minutes a day. Whatever you do, make it small. I think that's why I've failed so many times...I set completely unrealistic, unattainable expectations that I could not meet and I felt DEFEATed and gave up. Set yourself up to succeed! And then when you feel like you're getting the hang of that one thing add something else or add some intensity to what you're already doing.
That is the secret...and it didn't cost a thing!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
- for me to get ready in the morning
- for me to fall asleep at night
- to wash a load of laundry
- for the average person to get to work
- to watch an episode of American Idol
- to prepare most meals
- to stand in line at the DMV
- for me to write a blog post
- for me to check email & play on facebook
- to read the newspaper
- to play a game of scrabble
- to watch a movie
- to go grocery shopping
- to clean house
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
- New jeans, shirt, or dress
- Go thrift store shopping
- Buy/download some tunes
- Take a day trip
- Picnic/hike at the park
- Frozen yogurt or other low cal dessert
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
It is this nothingness that I have to face in my solitude, a nothingness so dreadful that everything in me wants to run to my friends, my work, and my distractions so that I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something.
It is in solitude that we are confronted with the hidden and neglected pockets of our souls. The areas we work so hard to avoid. I think many of us neglect this discipline because it often brings us to a very undesirable place...the wilderness. There is an episode of The Office in which Michael Scott, the quirky insecure manager of a paper supply company, is determined to spend a couple days in the wilderness after discovering that several guys from the office went on a camping trip and neglected to invite him. So, Michael sets out on a trip of his own, Man vs. Wild style, to prove to his peers that he doesn't need them.
My time in seminary and this past year, following graduation, has probably been the most difficult and darkest season in my spiritual life. In seminary I was faced with an overload of information about theology. Everyone and their mom has an opinion about every detail of theology and there are about a million ways to interpret Scripture. I felt completely overwhelmed and lost in the crowd of voices. I was faced with questions I had never considered. And Fuller did a pretty awesome thing (that was very frustrating at the time). They didn't provide a ton of answers. My professors taught us, gave us resources, posed the questions, but left it up to us to discover and learn (through an enormous amount of reading and writing). I thought I'd find answers in seminary! But in reality I left with more questions.
Have you ever been there? Lots of questions and no answers? This is not an easy place to be. It's scary, frustrating, and lonely. And I'm not sure I'm out of the wilderness yet. Sometimes I feel like this weightloss journey might be GOD LEADING ME OUT. It's amazing how much our physical lives intertwine with our spiritual ones. I think overeating and laziness has been a way I have coped in the wilderness. I didn't want to face my nothingness, the hidden and neglected pockets of my soul. My struggles, fears, questions. I wanted to find that protection, comfort, and nourishment. Eating became something I could depend on. Three times a day I have to eat. When I eat I get to be occupied with that activity. I don't have to do anything else. I don't have to answer any questions, face my fears, make plans, stress about the unknown. I just get to sit and eat. It's an escape. So, why not make the most of that...and eat more. But this pursuit for nourishment wasn't nourishment at all - it was poisonous.
For the past three months I've been paying more attention to how I feel as I eat. Am I eating because I'm hungry or because I feel lost? And if it's not because I'm hungry then what do I need to work through? What am I avoiding? I think one of the most important things I took away from seminary is the value of asking meaningful questions. Sometimes it stinks. I KNOW. But questions move us into the deeper hidden places of our hearts and minds. So I leave you with a few...
What are you avoiding?
What do you depend on?
When is the last time you spent some serious time in solitude, not at the spa or by taking a nap,
but uninterrupted, facing your nothingness kind of solitude?
What questions do you need to ask yourself?