i want you to want me

Every woman on the planet wants to be desirable. We all want to be liked. We all want to be wanted. We all want to be attractive. Pursued. Popular. Coveted. Whether your 13, 27, 45, or 82 we find our worth in these things. Maybe you don't want to admit it, but don't you? If you're lacking in any of these areas (and most of us are) don't you find yourself feeling less important, like you're not good enough, cool enough, worth enough? So I've been asking myself lately...why is it so important to me to be desired? Why do I need to feel desired to feel confident? What does it look like to be confident without being pursued or sought after, or feeling popular or attractive?

In college, I thought once I got married these things would be less important to me. I would finally be pursued and chosen by a man so I will then indeed be desirable, attractive, interesting, smart, enjoyable, wanted, worthy of affection. But that's not the case, is it married ladies? Yes Michael loves me and is attracted to me and thinks all those wonderful things about me....but Michael isn't my everything. He hasn't fulfilled every part of my life as I once thought my husband would. Being a wife isn't the end all be all in my journey. I think the American church that we've grown up in has done a disservice to us girls. We've been sent messages that our life pursuit, our life purpose is being a wife and a mom. Our femininity is solely connected to these two roles. And yes they are very very important roles and I'm so thankful and blessed to have filled one of them! But marriage doesn't complete me. All my problems, worries, and struggles in life didn't go away when I said "I do." I didn't stop wanting to be wanted. I didn't stop wanting to be desired or pursued. This is why we tell our husbands that we still need need to be pursued by them, that we still want them to do the things they did when we dated. :)

So back to my initial question...What is it so important to me to be desired? Well, let me say this...I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with wanting this. It's a part of our makeup. And if it is a part of our makeup, then how do I handle it? What do I do about it? Is this need in us post-fall or pre-fall? Did Eve want to be desirable? Did she long to be pursued by Adam? Is their longing in paradise...when you're in complete perfect communion with Christ?

What do you think?