man voice

This past week has been crazy for Michael. For those of you who don't know...he is a Staff Writer for Student Life (a Christian events/curriculum company). So as they have been gearing up for summer camps, he has been super busy. Last Saturday I decided to join him at work and watch some rehearsals. (He also directs.) As I was watching one particular drama play out I realized this story was quite familiar. One of the characters was recalling a horrid event that happened to her as a child on the bus. And as she began telling it I knew exactly where it was going because this horrid event happened to me! Some kids in the back of the bus made fun of her (me) yelling "man voice, man voice, (meredith) has a man voice!" You see Michael had written this and he neglected to tell me that he used my story as inspiration for this character. So you can imagine I was a bit shocked as this started playing out on stage. It didn't bother me that Michael had used this. It was just a weird moment to see this acted out by someone who didn't know me, know that it was a real story, and that the real girl was sitting in the audience! Then I thought about how thousands of kids will watch it on stage this summer and I began to feel a bit vulnerable. Obviously no one knows it's me (except now that I'm sharing it for all to know!) and it really wasn't the worse thing that happened to me as a child. But it evidently made a lasting impression on me as I have remembered it ever since. I guess those kids thought my voice was too low and naturally coined the extremely witty name, "man voice." And since then I have had this little part of me that has been self-conscious about my voice.

My sister recently wrote a post about the power of words...more specifically the power of speaking truth into her kids lives. My nephew is 3 and struggles with fear, especially darkness. Nathalie shares that Asher was afraid to go down a dark hallway and instead of telling him he didn't have to be afraid, she simply said, "Asher you are BRAVE." And Asher believed it. He believed that he was brave and he did it. And when he returned he shouted "I did it, I did it! I'm BRAVE mommy!" Nathalie tells the story much better but I just wanted to give the gist because there is such an important message here. I can wake up tomorrow and choose to believe that I am "man voice Meredith" and let my life reflect that (un)truth about me....or I can choose to believe His truth that I am "made in the image of God Meredith" and let my life reflect that truth about me. There are a lot of things that I choose to believe other than THE TRUTH and my life definitely reflects it. It might be - I'm not pretty, I'm not interesting, I'm not smart enough, my life is purposeless, I have nothing to offer, I'm afraid...or it might be as silly as "My bangs are too short." I got a haircut the other day and the stylist cut my bangs way too short and I seriously let my day be controlled by that.

I love that Asher just believed it. He didn't argue with Nathalie. He didn't refuse to believe it. He just claimed it. And then he lived it. I need that in my life. As a deep thinker and seminary grad I've been trained to dissect, study, examine, and explore the Word. Which are wonderful things but because of this I really struggle with just believing what God says about me and trusting His promises. Sometimes it just feels easier to believe those kids in the back of the bus. Sometimes it just feels like less work, more real, tangible, less abstract. Do you ever feel like that? OR maybe in those instances it's because I'm not listening to anything else....I don't have His Word close to my heart, I've not meditated on it, I'm not speaking it, I'm not believing the truth that God has spoken to me, like a mother tells her child he is brave. Because God's Word IS real and tangible and speaks the truth about me and you.