portobello burger & the daniel fast

Today I started the Daniel Fast. I did it about a year ago and really loved the way I felt. It's definitely tough...but it's worth it! The main guidelines are no meat, no dairy, no sugar/sweeteners, and no leavened bread...for 21 days. To find out more about it check out www.daniel-fast.com. So what exactly do you eat? A whole lot of fruit, veggies, grains, nuts and beans.

So here's what I came up with for dinner tonight...

I made a Portobello burger, skillet "fried" okra, and brown rice. For the burger: I cut the stem and scooped out the gills of the Portobello mushroom and brushed it with a mixture of olive oil, garlic, basil, and paprika. I cooked it in a skillet for about 12 minutes, 6 on each side. I cut two wedges of lettuce to use as the buns and for fixins I used mustard, grilled onion, and avocado. It was YUM. For the okra: I tossed about a cup full with a mixture of cornmeal and wheat flour then cooked it in a skillet with a couple tablespoons of olive olive. Also...YUM.

my mind is a house

Someone took a picture of me today and when I had the chance to see the photo...embarrassment swept over me and I just wanted to hide. The confidence I have been feeling lately disappeared and it was replaced with defeat. Just one little picture. I let that one little picture rob me. Rob me of confidence, joy, perseverance, a sense of accomplishment, contentment.

Here's the thing... My mind is like a house. And there's this robber that comes to my door often. He isn't like most robbers...this robber likes to knock on the door. He knocks on the door and if I open it, even just a crack, if I just let him in the doorway....it's over. He invades every room. I know he's coming and I know what he's capable of but I still let him in. This robber's name is Anxiety, Fear, Discontent, Defeat.

So here's the bad news...I live in this fallen, broken world and there are robbers. And the robber is always gonna come knockin'.

The good news...I also live in this beautiful world that's being restored and redeemed. And what's even cooler is that God's not asking me to just sit back and watch him restore it...he's invited me to join Him. Wow - talk about empowerment. I have the opportunity to be courageous in fearful moments, to experience joy in the midst of defeat and discontent, to feel freedom in the pit of anxiety. This is the road to restoration.

The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6

30 things

Last night I went on a little warm-up walk with the hubs. As we were walking he shared with me all the changes he's seen in me since I started this whole thing. It was so encouraging and empowering to hear these things from him. So, I thought I'd take a moment and share 30 (for each pound I've lost so far!) things that are different in my life because of this journey.

In no particular order...

1. More confidence in my relationships

2. Wear clothes I couldn't/wouldn't wear before

3. Share my opinions/thoughts in groups more often

4. Don't give up on this thing when I've had a bad day/week

5. Lower blood pressure

6. More energy

7. Less aches & pains

8. Crave healthy foods

9. Crave water over sodas

10. Feel more comfortable eating in front of others

11. Don't avoid social gatherings where there will be new people or people I haven't seen in awhile

12. Better sex life - Sorry! But this is about being transparent right? :)

13. Learning to enjoy exercise instead of dreading it

14. More at ease with getting my photo taken

15. More optimistic (when my tendency is pessimism)

16. Less guilt when eating treats

17. More educated about healthy eating & habits

18. Feel empowered (instead of defeated) about healthy choices

19. No longer blame others/circumstances for my bad choices

20. More active

21. Spend more time using my talents/gifts

22. Feel more freedom (in many areas of my life)

23. Shave my legs more often (ha!)

24. Feel more confidence in tackling other challenges

25. More physical strength & ability

26. Worry less about what people think of me & my body

27. Experience less pressure/guilt when shopping for clothes

28. Generally a happier person

29. Making my way out of the spiritual wilderness

30. Carrying around 30 pounds less!

30 lbs - boom!

I've reached my next goal! And it feels SO GOOD! The other day, we had some sort of treat at the office, which I usually always partake in. :) A co-worker passed by a group of us and someone told her to grab one...she said no, that she was on a diet. Ugh...diet...doesn't that word just make you cringe? I am NOT on a diet...and I have never called it that. I'm on a journey. I've changed my habits and am making my life more healthy. And because of that - I eat treats sometimes and it doesn't ruin my plan and I'm not overwhelmed with guilt. I don't have unrealistic goals and I don't deprive myself of good things. And it's working! I've lost 30lbs over the past 6 months and I've changed my life! Looking forward to my next goal, which will put me at the halfway mark!

i want you to want me

Every woman on the planet wants to be desirable. We all want to be liked. We all want to be wanted. We all want to be attractive. Pursued. Popular. Coveted. Whether your 13, 27, 45, or 82 we find our worth in these things. Maybe you don't want to admit it, but don't you? If you're lacking in any of these areas (and most of us are) don't you find yourself feeling less important, like you're not good enough, cool enough, worth enough? So I've been asking myself lately...why is it so important to me to be desired? Why do I need to feel desired to feel confident? What does it look like to be confident without being pursued or sought after, or feeling popular or attractive?

In college, I thought once I got married these things would be less important to me. I would finally be pursued and chosen by a man so I will then indeed be desirable, attractive, interesting, smart, enjoyable, wanted, worthy of affection. But that's not the case, is it married ladies? Yes Michael loves me and is attracted to me and thinks all those wonderful things about me....but Michael isn't my everything. He hasn't fulfilled every part of my life as I once thought my husband would. Being a wife isn't the end all be all in my journey. I think the American church that we've grown up in has done a disservice to us girls. We've been sent messages that our life pursuit, our life purpose is being a wife and a mom. Our femininity is solely connected to these two roles. And yes they are very very important roles and I'm so thankful and blessed to have filled one of them! But marriage doesn't complete me. All my problems, worries, and struggles in life didn't go away when I said "I do." I didn't stop wanting to be wanted. I didn't stop wanting to be desired or pursued. This is why we tell our husbands that we still need need to be pursued by them, that we still want them to do the things they did when we dated. :)

So back to my initial question...What is it so important to me to be desired? Well, let me say this...I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with wanting this. It's a part of our makeup. And if it is a part of our makeup, then how do I handle it? What do I do about it? Is this need in us post-fall or pre-fall? Did Eve want to be desirable? Did she long to be pursued by Adam? Is their longing in paradise...when you're in complete perfect communion with Christ?

What do you think?