I really want a brownie

Just needed to say it out loud. I'm having a hard time feeling motivated today. I think one reason may be is that we haven't been to the grocery store lately so we're out of tasty healthy options. The bottle of coke Michael's sipping on right now is looking pretty good and chocolate is calling my name.

Welp, I don't really have more to say. Just wanted to express my frustration. This road is a bit bumpy sometimes.

Zoe's Kitchen = YUM

Zoe's Kitchen

Lean Turkey Pita w/ a cup of fresh fruit (w/ water)

Calories: 374 Fat: 11g Carbs: 50g Protein: 25g

Found on www.livestrong.com

Today Michael (my hubby) and I spent most of the day out so we ate out for lunch. It's hard to find...more so pick healthy choices when I'm out. But today was a success! We ate at Zoes Kitchen and I had the Lean Turkey Pita with a cup of fresh fruit. It was super yummy and it was so much I only ate about half of it (yay - only half the calories!). I'm learning to find these options and have a plan before we go out so I don't even have to look at the menu. I'll be adding my healthy finds to the blog as I discover them!

My Top 5 Favorite Healthy Foods

In no specific order...

1. Tuna

Tuna is an inexpensive source of protein with more protein per gram and lower fat than many other sources of protein. Tuna is also rich in omega-3 fatty acids that helps reduce the risks of cardiovascular disease and is one of the most available sources. Tuna provides selenium for proper immune and thyroid function. It also delivers vitamins and minerals, including niacin, which assists in converting food to energy, and vitamin B6 that helps maintain a healthy nervous system. Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/41387-tuna-nutrition-information/#ixzz1DOCiQtXP

2. Hummus

Hummus's abundance of vitamin C can assist the immune system in warding off infection and disease. Thiamin is key in converting carbohydrates to energy. Vitamin B6 supports the nervous system and helps break down sugars and starches, and folate supports red blood cell production and nerve function. Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/266304-nutrition-information-for-hummus/#ixzz1DODINZg3

3. Okra

It contains both soluble and insoluble fiber. Soluble fiber may lower your cholesterol and reduce your risk of heart disease, while insoluble fiber keeps your intestinal tract healthy, which may decrease your risk of colorectal and other cancers. Okra contains essential vitamin B-6, folic acid, vitamin A, calcium and potassium.
Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/292260-benefits-of-okra-pepsin-e3/#ixzz1DODxTWzZ

4. Natural Peanut Butter

Natural peanut butter is high in unsaturated fat, the kind of fat that is considered beneficial. Benefits include a lowered risk of cardiovascular disease, high cholesterol, cancer, gallstones and high blood sugar. The phytochemicals found in peanut butter also contribute to good overall coronary health. Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/28683-natural-peanut-butter-nutrition-information/#ixzz1DOFVtzw3

5. Avocados

They are a nutritious source of potassium. Avocados are also sodium- and cholesterol-free. An avocado has a higher fat content (5g per serving) than other fruit. However, the fat is monounsaturated fat, which is considered healthy when eaten in small amounts. Diets rich in monounsaturated fatty acids can reduce cholesterol and increase the ratio of high-density lipoprotein (HDL) to low-density lipoprotein (LDL). Diets rich in avocado may reduce plasma lipid levels, according to many studies. Avocado is also a rich source of beta-sisterol, which is believed to have cholesterol-lowering effects as well as anti-cancer effects.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/avocado/#ixzz1DOGk7jnW

Grey's Effect on my Anatomy

I've blogged about how much I struggle with worry and stress. Well, besides the physical benefits of exercise I'm definitely experiencing great emotional benefits as well. Lately, I've been a major hypochondriac...which is something I've never really struggled with until the past few months. I notice every little pain and discomfort in my body and I freak out. I get on webmd and within minutes I have a diagnosis that of course is something tragic and horrible. I'm then consumed with worry and stress...which affects me physically...even to the point of panic attacks sometimes. I really think all this began when I started watching Grey's Anatomy. Sounds silly I know. We started watching them online, so we'd just watch one after the other, several in a week. Film is so powerful. It can create these intense emotional responses...that for me in this instance actually turned into compulsive behavior. Don't get me wrong the emotional aspect of film and tv is what draws me to it...I love it. But when it causes me to get in the pits of despair, it's time to shut it down.

So back to exercise. My body and mind just feel so refreshed afterwards. And really while I'm excising as well. It's carved out time in my day when I actually let go of worries and stress. It's when I'm sitting in the recliner watching TV or surfing the web when I get anxious and stressed...so basically when I'm lazy. This has been an especially great discovery for me because I'm currently jobless. I'm alone all day and have the opportunity to just sit on my rearend and wallow in despair.

Today at the library I picked up a book called Praying with the Body: Bringing the Psalms to Life. In it are exercises to do while praying morning, midday, and evening prayers. I'm kind of excited about this. I think the best way to approach this new lifestyle is holistically...my body, mind, and soul must work together.

5lbs - check!

Feeling great today! I've officially lost 5lbs! And as I got ready today I noticed clothes were fitting looser and I just felt more comfortable in them. Feels really great to see some results. My plan is to continue doing what I'm doing - exercise at least 6 days a week (even if it's just for 30 min) and eat healthy, and each week add a little more intensity to my workouts and a little more intentionality in my diet. I want to make a habit out of these things, not just get through them to the other side. The key is to take it slow. Put in the work. One day at a time.

I'm such a Thomas

Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Take a deep breath and in the quiet and still say that to yourself a few times. "Surrender." I'm not so sure you can even say that word without taking a deep breath. Am I right? Well, I'm learning more and more that this is really the only solution to all my anxiety, worries, concerns, skepticism, frustration, fears, insecurity, and pride. I can worry or I can surrender. I can be frustrated and confused or I can surrender. I can be paralyzed by fear or I can surrender. I can be insecure in my body and inabilities or I can surrender. Surrender means freedom. Surrender means joy. But there is something in my embedded theology that tells me surrendering means being unprepared, being caught off guard, being a fool or unintelligent. If I stop worrying or fearing, I won't be prepared for the possibilities. If I stop being insecure, I'll be taken off guard when someone hurts me. If I stop being a skeptic, I'll be taken for a fool when what I believe turns out to be rubbish. The unfortunate thing in this theology is that I am robbed of joy, of freedom, of experiencing meaningful moments in life! I have missed friends' weddings because I was too insecure about my appearance. I have missed so many things in my life because I was too prideful and scared to surrender whatever I was gripping. How self-centered is that?! Obviously, I can never fully surrender because I am an imperfect, broken human. I need help. I need help from THE Surrenderer. Seriously, sometimes just praying over and over, "I surrender, Jesus. I surrender." is the most releasing, freeing, therapeutic experience for me.

A passage that has always resonated with me in terms of surrendering can be found in John 20. It's the story about Jesus appearing to the disciples after his death. He appears to all of them, except Thomas. Thomas wasn't there. So his friends come and tell him what they've seen. Thomas says he won't believe them until he's seen him, until he's seen his nail marks, put his fingers where the nails were and put his hand in his side. Thomas isn't surrendering his pride. He isn't surrendering his unbelief and skepticism. He doesn't want to be taken for a fool, right? He's too prideful. He refuses to surrender. Because Jesus is gracious, he gives Thomas what he needs in order to believe. He lets him see the nail marks and touch his wounds. And Jesus says, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” We don't know what happens next. Have you ever wondered? What did Thomas say in response to that?! Imagine yourself in that situation. Man, what a FOOL I'd feel like. Wait...what? A fool?! No, not a fool because that's the very thing he was trying to avoid...right? Yes - a fool. It's important to note something else. The other disciples told Thomas about seeing Jesus (ya know -when he refused to believe them) a week before Jesus appeared to Thomas. So that means Thomas missed out on all the joy his friends were experiencing for a whole week. Furthermore, I wouldn't be surprised if his unbelief and lack of trust in his friends caused some tension in those relationships. I'm so glad the writer of this gospel chose to include this story. I am such a Thomas and I need to hear that Jesus is gracious to Thomases. I need to hear that Jesus wants more for me. He wants me to experience joy and freedom. He wants me to be blessed.

a visit to dr. baldwin

Went to the doctor this morning. I have been experiencing pain and tingling in my neck, shoulder, and arm....which of course made me super stressed and worried (need to work on this...another blog for another time). Turns out I have a muscle spasm (from exercise & probably stress!) in my neck so the doctor gave me some muscle relaxers.

Also - found out some great news! My blood pressure was down to 110/77. Last time I checked a couple months ago it was 134/90-something. So cutting out caffeine, exercise, and healthier eating is really working to get me in better health! This was a great boost of motivation. Feeling encouraged!